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Grab Bag Review: 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon' – Shia Shouts, Robots Battle, Oh And There’s A Hot Piece of Tail In It Too!

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Do I even need to write this review? I mean come on, we all know what this movie is about. It’s cars that transform into robots and fight each other. Throw in Shia LeBeouf shouting, some hot chick with watery eyes, explosions, and you have any one of the three Transformers movies, not that any of that is a bad thing.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to go see Transformers 3. Maybe it was the marketing that got me all worked up, maybe the nostalgia from watching the cartoons and playing with the toys when I was a kid, or a combination of the two. Whatever got me excited was met with mixed emotions once I sat through the two hour and forty-five minute Michael Bay directed special effects 3D extravaganza. Yes, you read correctly that it’s almost three hours long!

Synopsis: The Autobots learn of a Cybertronian spacecraft hidden on the Moon, and race against the Decepticons to reach it and to learn its secrets.

This movie begins with us finding out that an Autobot space ship crash landed on the dark side of the moon back in the 60’s and the real reason JFK wanted us to get there so fast was so that we would get to whatever landed before the Russians. The spaceship crashed there after a battle between the Autobots and Decepticons went awry and the Autobots deployed it as a last ditch effort to save their world.

Meanwhile back on Earth present day, we find that Sam (Shia LeBeouf) is suffering from Ghostbusters II syndrome, which is that no one remembers or cares that he saved the world a couple times and he gets no respect. We see that he received a medal of honor from Obama and met his new flame Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley) on the same day. Regardless of that, he can’t find a job and is down on his luck, boo hoo. In both instances of JFK and Obama being in the film, Bay does a half-assed job of mixing real footage and actor look-alikes. It’s a far cry from the CGI presidents of Forrest Gump.

Transformers 3 takes a very long time to set up the very simple plot. You could easily cut out the first twenty to thirty minutes and you’d have a decent film. I’m not going to get into the intricacies of the plot any further because lets face it, it’s robots fighting, ‘nuff said. The acting in this movie is good enough I guess. Shia LeBeouf is pretty much what you expect him to be, young and loud. Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is the token hot piece of ass that is eye candy for the target 18-34 demographic this 70-480 exam movie caters too. You see her in some underwear and there’s a make out scene, but that’s about it, sorry guys. The supporting cast of Josh Duhamel (Lennox) and Frances McDormand (Mearing) are completely underutilized, while John Malkovich (Bruce Brazos) and Patrick Dempsey (Dylan) have some pretty decent performances here. Dempsey especially knocks it out of the park as a very dislikeable villain.

So you’re probably asking yourself already “What about com, that offer live dealer services in British, Thai or Mandarin from brick-and-mortar casinos situated just across Cambodia’s border with Laos in Savannakhet province. the robots?” Well, it’s Transformers. It’s cars morphing into robots and they’re fighting. I have to say the special effects and CGI in this third This fast detox kit is perfect for anyone required to submit multiple urine samples to the lab. movie surpasses what was done in the first two with a couple of side notes. One thing that I really liked was the fact that I could tell the difference between the robots that were fighting. Optimus, Bumble Bee, Shockwave, and the rest were all colored in very distinctive ways so that you could see who was who. I’m guessing that many had the same problem I did with the first two, which was that I couldn’t tell what the hell was going on when they fought. It just looked like a big jumbled robot CGI cluster#uck. Well in this one they made an obvious effort to distinguish them all.

The 3D for this film was pretty darn sweet if you ask me. I am not like most and have totally jumped on the 3D bandwagon. I think it adds a lot to a movie like this. One of the reasons I wanted to see Transformers 3 was because I saw the trailer in 3D and was completely wowed by it. I know some have complained that the 3D can be dark and distracting but I thought that for this movie, that wasn’t the case at all. Everything was bright, crispy, clear, and detailed. I don’t have any complaints with the 3D at all and I think anyone would enjoy it just the same.

So overall I have to say this flick was entertaining but I’ve now reached my limit of Transformers sequels. A Transformers 4 is really not what we need now although I did read online somewhere that they may reboot it in a few years. Why? Can’t we move on to other toy inspired movies now? I’d much rather see a He-Man: Masters of the Universe or Thundercats movie! Now that’s what we all need.

2.5 out of 5

About the author

Sam Olecki

Sam is a certifiable smart-ass and Southern California native raised on the sarcastic and jaded L.A. smog. He received a B.A. in Film and Electronic Media from Long Beach State University focusing on Screen Writing, Film Theory, and alcohol. Sam studied improv with The Groundlings, performed in local theater, and has watched a lot of movies. When Sam isn't writing for GBC he likes to eat out and write reviews on, go running, watch the KTLA morning news, and play with his puppy.